I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
