just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
