I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
