I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
