love makes seman taste better
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
