why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
