Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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