I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
