yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
