Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize