atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
