Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
