So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
