I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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