my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
