I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
