Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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