How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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