Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize