I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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