We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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