a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
