I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
