What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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