I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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