I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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