i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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