Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My feet surprised me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
