After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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