threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
