apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
