grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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