Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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