Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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