Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I AM VODKA MAN
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
