well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
