If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
