Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
