Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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