i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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