I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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