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its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
