Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
