Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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