Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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