32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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