I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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