So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize