Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
