oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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