Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
