I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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