whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
