Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
