im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
