so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
