Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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