I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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