so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Holy shit dude........stairs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
