I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize