bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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