My first STD was from a foam party
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
