Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
