I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
