Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
