Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize