I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
