I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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