Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize