You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
