It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
