Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
