I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
