you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
