FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this boner is exhausting
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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