i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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