She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
