I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
