he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm like, not good at living.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
