brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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