You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I am morally bankrupt
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
