no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
