i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
