i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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