All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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