i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize