i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
