Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
