I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
