I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize