I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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